To bond, or not to bond... that is the question.

Through my many therapist sessions over the years there has always been a piece to this Borderline Personality Disorder that I had always heard and filed away. Knowing that it was important to address, but not sure I really wanted to look at it. It was dark and ugly. 

Do I have the skill????

When we are faced with a problem our automatic response is to get rid of it. Either by ineffective shut-down and avoidance or problem-solving it. Ideally we will want to problem solve in order to be sure that it doesn't return like a pesky rash or something. Otherwise we are increasing our pain. 

OK, so let's problem solve then!

Did you pick your nose?

Compulsive behavior can be difficult to handle. Especially when you add the ever foreboding "obsessive" to the term. Then you are really in some trouble. Now, I certainly do not take this disorder lightly. I have two persons very dear to me that suffer horribly from it. I do count it as a blessing that, among so many things that I do carry around in my Samsonite that have become part of my daily life, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is not one of them. Whew. If that were, boy I don't know how well I would fair.

I have read that this disorder, if gone untreated, tends to worsen with time. So that means, as you struggle through your life with many issues, you can look forward to this one growing in intensity. Of course that is if you do not treat it. But my question is this - What if you start at the age of, say... 5? What then? Does that mean by the time you are 10 it will be unbearable for you? 

Cat got my tongue?

I have been putting this off, in a really sad way. Something snapped a few weeks ago. I just didn't want to do this blog anymore. Period. 

No rhyme or reason to this overwhelming feeling. It was just there. I told AJ that I wasn't sure whether I wanted to continue with My DBT Life. He listened and told me that I didn't have to decide right away and that whatever I decided he was going to support. Which was very loving. Then I let it go from my mind. Every time it crept in, I pushed it away, not wanting to deal with it. Until...

What is red, angry, and puffy - and still cute as a button?

MJ's nose after WEEKS of a terrible cold!

Hey guys, its AJ.

Just a quick note to let you all know that MJ has been out sick for the last week and thats why she hasn't posted on mydbtlife, but she is getting better. She will be back up on it soOn!

She has been feeling a bit down and hasn't gotten much feedback or traffic on the site this week, so if you have missed the mydbtlife posts, it wouldn't hurt to send her an email and let her know that.

hint,hint,hint! ; ^ )

- mj@mydbtlife.com

(She is going to KILL me when she sees this post! hehehehe!)

Aj

JohnsonTrades@gmail.com

Please share this post with your friends!

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March 7th, 2011

Group Chat will be held @ 11:30 AM PST tomorrow; March 7th, 2011.

You can find the chat room inside of our Forum. Link to this post for more details.

Hope to see you there!

MJ

~ March 6th - 13th, 2011 weekly skills posting will post after the group chat ~

Nostalgia and what it can teach us

Our grandmother that passed away in January left some items behind for our family and among them were these:

The really precious thing about these dolls is that Grandma made them. Every bit of them. The clothes are incredible! You cannot really tell from the pics, but the detail is just amazing. I can't even imagine how much time that took. I'm not skilled that way, I am all over arts and crafts and I can come up with a project for a tribe of children of the top of my hat. But this kind of skill is a whole different ball game. 

I am simply in awe of it. I guess Grandma had 30-ish dolls that she had made and she bequeathed them to various family members; they are all gorgeous and amazing in detail.

Grandma was a neat woman. She and Grandpa had been married for 60 years, just this last November. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around that. I look forward to the time that I can brag that accomplishment, but until then I will just remain in astonishment. Of course it stands to reason then, that Grandpa is hurting badly. He's feeling as though he has lost a limb, and in a metaphorical way he has indeed lost an appendage. Again, his experience right now is something that is so foreign to me. As an adult I often times reflect back on the way I percieved the world as a child. Then as a teenager, and compare it to how I looked at the world as a young adult, gradually bringing my thoughts to how I look at it now. I can conclusively say, that I feel as the years have gone by and the experiences in my life have done their job, I am more mature and I "get" things on a deeper level than I did before, say at 24. However, in comparison to what Grandpa is experiencing, I am still a babe. What my life looks like right now is a mere fragment of that mans life experience. It really puts "a life worth living" into a different perspective.

What other kind of beard is there anyway?

Urgency has the beard of a Hebrew prophet and the eyes of a medieval alchemist. He reads history books in the middle of the night. He stands behind me when I am at the typewriter. He is brilliant, and his thoughts leap across great startling distances, but he expects me to go back and fill in the missing pieces. He is impatient with my tendency to avoid strenuous exercise. 

Urgency hates to be late. He runs up the stairs racing the escalator. He works for a messenger service on weekends. He is always on the lookout for allies. If urgency thinks you may be able to help him, he will sit you down and ask you for your life story. First, he wants to find out what motivates you, and then, he listens for what fascinates you. - The Book of Qualities - J. Ruth Gendler

Although a sense of urgency is appropriate at times, we must remember that it can also reduce our effectiveness and get us into trouble - Urgency will find out what motivates you....

and then use what fascinates you to fuel itself....

Without mindfully befriending Urgency you may find that slowing down is near impossible,

Ultimately, you can soar without Urgency and just a little well used energy can give you wings!

MJ

~Foxy~

Has anyone seen Fantastic Mr. Fox? Well, I feel a lot like him when he eats his french toast.

For some reason YouTube had the embedding disabled, so I couldn't bring it straight over, but I did get the link for the trailer with the scene in it. Check-out his eating habits. He is so sophisticated, yet.... hmmm. That is definitely how I feel I eat.

For as much as I preach about assessments and reassessments, I figured I had better get to it myself. So I decided that it was time to check out how well I have been doing on my goals.

At the beginning of the year I had decided that since I had worked hard enough to get the weight off, that it was high time I started teaching myself to eat mindfully. If we are being skillful about P.L.E.A.S.E.; then it would stand to reason that at some point I would indeed need to know how to eat mindfully.

OK, so how well as that been coming along? I mean it is March now, I have had two solid months to work on it.

Make the amends we can... for our KIDS!

Meet McKay and Logan. For most of you, you already know McKay, he is my eldest son from my first marriage, but Logan is a new introduction. He is McKay's brother from his dad's side. He is 2 years old and a bundle of cuteness.

What does the littlest orphan say on Despicable Me? "He's so fluffy I'm gonna die!" 

That is how cute this kid is. Or at least, I think of this quote when I want to squish him! Speaking of a gaggle of cuties - these take the cake:

I will introduce you to this adorable bunch the same as I did the above: Most of you have met Terrick, AJ's eldest from his first marriage, the following are his brothers from his mother's side: Ken Kai, Tevon, Tayden and Briaden (not sure on the spelling of that last one, pronounced "BR [long I] den") Whew! and I thought I had a full house, could you imagine? Here's an average day at homeschool for these boys: (and yes, they are all boys, she gets kudos for what it must take to keep them all on task!)

pssst - Terrick's mom also has her brother's two kids kicking about from time to time; plus a friend of hers 3 or 4 kids. Personally? I lose count and I would probably lose children too, not her though...she is tough as nails when it comes to what these kids can dish, and they all seem to be smiling all the time, I suppose I could write an entire blog about her secret, if I knew it!

Could you image what it must be like to go on a road trip with this many children? Well, we don't have to, she obliged me with a sneak-peak of what that looks like too!:

I'd call this a bus, not a van!Just look at them all!

Right....the point, when it comes to this many adorable little smiles and pudgy, squishy cheeks I easily get off topic, please bare with me! 

Question: What would most people say is the hardest part of their lives when dealing with a mental illness? 

Answer: Interpersonal Effectiveness.