Thursday, January 6, 2011

Kisses make it all better, maybe.

So I have pulled a muscle in my right shoulder and the smarty pants that I am, I have not gone to the doctor about it. Until today that is. This pain has been nasty for almost two weeks. I had convinced myself that the doctor couldn't really DO anything about my shoulder, so therefore it was pointless to go. However, I was mistaken, and to add insult to injury I came to understand that had I not come in, this pain would not likely go away any time soon, like months and months. 

See, I have a locked and spastic muscle, the large one that covers the entire right side of my back over my should bone. Ouch. So I guess that without a muscle relaxer my muscle would remain in this pain/spasm cycle. With the muscle relaxer however, I will break the vicious cycle. Then he prescribed me a strong painkiller so that I can do exercises with relaxed muscles and no pain. The exercise is what is going to make the entire thing better. So having just waited, all I did was not tend to my vulnerabilities (my "P" in please master) and prolong the pain. Nice huh? I didn't do a very good job in practicing what I preach! 

I have been running all day long on an empty tank. I can barely eat I am in so much pain. My doctor sends the prescriptions over to the pharmacy via electronic notification. Sounds advanced right? Well, I hot foot it over to my pharmacy only to find out that they cannot do anything about my prescription for another hour. No biggee, I have grocery shopping to do anyways. My family is so large that I usually do my month shopping at Costco (a warehouse type store that you can buy in bulk). Costco is a nightmare for anyone suffering from panic or anxiety attacks. But, I suffer through because my family needs groceries. My patience is thin and I want to curl up into a ball and cry. I get through it, amazingly.

I check my watch, I have run out of time to get my prescription, I have to get my middle son to his doctor appointment. I rush home, unload groceries and race across town just to get to a doctor's office that is closed. See this is my step-son's appointment that his mother had made for him, unbeknown to her and I, there was no appointment today. So we waited around for a good deal of time just to be sure, we called his momma and let her know that we were unable to get him to see the doc and back out to my pharmacy.

Guess what? Still in pain, hungry, tired and really grumpy my pharmacy tells me that they "just got it" and they need an hour or so. WHAT!!!!! I had already heard that excuse. AJ gently told the pharmacists this information and she informs us that she is terribly sorry but there is nothing she can do, it will be another hour. But we need to be home in time to get out daughter off of her bus and pick-up our eldest son. So off we go again. 

It is now 4 p.m.; I have yet to eat and I am still waiting for my medications. AJ has so valiantly gone out (again) for them. I felt it was "safer" for me to stay as far away from the pharmacy as possible. that you have taken this journey with me, how to I relate this to DBT? 

  1. I realized I waited to long to implement P.L.E.A.S.E.
  2. I used mindful breathing to not lash out at the pharmacist and to be mindful that in those circumstances it is my habit to lash out at AJ too, so I counted my breath until I felt the negative energy drain from my body.
  3. I used an "imagine" skill to tolerate my pain until I get my medications. I am looking ahead to what it will be like when I get them. 
  4. I used what I had....and that is.....

I am still waiting for AJ, and I tell you what, I think kisses just may "make it all better"!


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